I got a call from a friend-we'll call her Makinga Pitstop- today. She's breaking it off completely with her on again off again ex. She read me the letter over the phone. So harsh & funny, I had to share!! We'll call the guy John so it'll be a Dear John letter.
Please quit interfering with my life. I made the best decision for me. There is a reason our relationship never works. I left you for one reason and one reason only. You are an off brand used tire. You maybe good in a pinch, but you are cheep and dirty and you have many hidden weaknesses. The ride is never as good as it should be. I never know when you'll leave me stranded. You are dangerous and dirty. There is too much wear and tear from previous owners that just will never be right again.
Mitch, however is a brand new Michellin. He's strong, sturdy, and reliable. I know I can count on his support. I have a warrenty of sorts. He is much safer. He has no scars. He has a good grip on what's important. He's safe. He's good looking. I know he will last a long while. Best of all, the ride is always the best ride I've ever experienced.
Please, just go on down the road and find a new ride.
Sincerely, Makinga Pitstop